and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
