Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
