The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
