Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
