I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
