He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
