If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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