my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
