Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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