I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
