my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's blow job season.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
