i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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