im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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