my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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