It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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