im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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