I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
