i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
