I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
