If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
