Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
