i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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