Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize