Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
