Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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