If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
