Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
