Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
