and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
