I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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