What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
