the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize