their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
do herpes really smell.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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