Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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