do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
