That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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