Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
