Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
