We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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