I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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