Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
