but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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