I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
