I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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