There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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