the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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