the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
