nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
