uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
