Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
