Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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