So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
