I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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