You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
